What does real discipline look like in a Jewish home? In this episode of Becoming Home, Rabbi Greenwald and Rabbi Yudkowsky explore a deeper framework for parenting — one that challenges the way we think about discipline, punishment, and love itself. They unpack three aspects of love – how they work together and how in their absence disciplinary measures fail and create unintended damage. They also distinguish between discipline, control, and helping a child realize their truest self. Along the way, they touch on: •⁠ ⁠When limits strengthen a child — and when they break them •⁠ ⁠Why punishment often backfires in today’s world •⁠ ⁠The difference between creating compliance and restoring free will •⁠ ⁠What it means to discipline from clarity instead of reaction •⁠ ⁠And how connection changes everything This episode opens up a more nuanced, and sometimes uncomfortable, look at what it really means to guide a child — without losing them in the process. Timestamps 00:00 What is discipline really for? 02:40 Three expressions of love (Ramchal) 06:15 Create strength vs. resistance 10:30 A hug of connection and boundaries 25:45 Punishment as a tool 30:30 Corporal punishment: why it rarely lands as intended 35:50 Discipline vs. control — restoring free will 41:10 When a child feels rejected 46:00 Clarity vs. reacting in the moment 54:10 Rethinking consequences 58:00 Influence of healthy discipline on a child

How do we get ready for Yom Kippur wihtout all the fear and anxiety? In this heartfelt conversation, Rabbi Greenwald and Rabbi Yudkowsky explore self-improvement through the lens of Yom Kippur, relationships of unconditional love, and the ongoing journey of getting closer to Hashem. Key Questions Explored in the Episode:How can we approach Yom Kippur with positivity instead of fear?What lessons about growth can we learn from our parents?How do we maintain momentum beyond the “high moments” of life? Rabbi Greenwald and Rabbi Yudkowsky reflect on the process of self-improvement, highlighting how internal dialogue, family dynamics, and motivation all contribute to personal growth. The discussion offers a refreshing perspective on Yom Kippur, portraying it not as a day of fear but as a gift of renewal and self-clarity. Through stories, analogies, and practical insights, they share how to approach life’s challenges with faith, perspective, and resilience. Reminding us that growth is not about perfection but about steady, meaningful progress. Time Stamps: (00:00) Speak to yourself (00:18) The Importance of Self-Understanding (04:26) Yom Kippur (06:17) Personal Experiences and Reflections (06:46) The Concept of Fear and Forgiveness (07:46) Context and Perspective (10:03) The Human Experience and Growth (23:22) Parental Influence and Relationship with God (30:34) Reflecting on Personal Growth (31:11) The Surgeon (33:48) Facing Yom Kippur with Realistic Expectations (36:10) The Marathon of Life (40:47) Course Correction and Continuous Improvement (45:42) Maintaining Growth Beyond the High Moments (49:40) The Journey of Life and Faith

Building Trust in the Home: Practical Insights for Parenting What does it really mean to build trust with our children, and what quietly erodes it over time? In this episode, Rabbi Yudkowsky and Rabbi Greenwald explore trust not as a technique, but as a way of being in the home. They touch on the subtle messages parents send through consistency, communication, and everyday interactions, and how those messages shape a child’s inner world. The conversation raises difficult and honest questions about control, guidance, and what happens when children struggle or push back. Along the way, the rabbis challenge common assumptions about parenting and invite listeners to reconsider what truly helps children grow into confident, grounded adults. This episode offers perspective, reflection, and a deeper way of thinking about trust, without easy answers or quick fixes. Timestamps 0:00 Introduction and Welcome 0:05 Creating a Trustworthy Environment 1:04 The Marshmallow Experiment 2:12 Nature vs. Nurture in Trust Development 3:31 Teaching Delayed Gratification 4:34 Parental Influence on Trust 5:42 The Role of Consistency and Honesty 8:49 Challenges in Parenting and Trust 15:43 The Importance of Struggles and Challenges 21:12 Guiding Children Through Mistakes 24:27 The Power of Gentle Guidance 25:47 A Fathers Persistent Influence 27:18 Creating a Trusting Environment 28:15 The Impact of Corporal Punishment 31:38 Understanding and Addressing Rebellion 34:35 Building Trust with Teenagers 43:45 Summary and Key Takeaways on Trust and Parenting

In this episode, Rabbi Greenwald and Rabbi Yudkowsky tackle a challenge that many parents feel deeply but struggle to explain: the difference between yelling and hitting today vs earlier generations. They explore shifts in children, parents, and society, and contemporary consequences of traditional discipline. Along the way, they touch on anger, fear, authority, self-control, and the deeper goal of parenting. This conversation does not just ask what works. It asks what a child is actually hearing beneath the reaction, and what kind of person a parent is trying to shape over time. For anyone who has ever lost their cool, questioned their instincts, or wondered how to be firm without causing harm, this episode can be a huge help. 00:00 Hitting and Yelling? 01:49 What changed? 08:00 Lessons in a Slap 13:13 Building Inner Motivation 14:22 Is There Hope For Parents? 16:50 Two Kinds Of Discipline 18:55 Unconscious, automatic reactions 23:44 Rewiring Discipline Beliefs 24:40 Child runs into the street - effective intervention. 28:48 When Firmness Is Necessary 32:48 Cultivating Calm At Home 41:31 Letting Teens Choose Well 43:35 Building Real Free Will

How do we get ready for Yom Kippur wihtout all the fear and anxiety? In this heartfelt conversation, Rabbi Greenwald and Rabbi Yudkowsky explore self-improvement through the lens of Yom Kippur, relationships of unconditional love, and the ongoing journey of getting closer to Hashem. Key Questions Explored in the Episode:How can we approach Yom Kippur with positivity instead of fear?What lessons about growth can we learn from our parents?How do we maintain momentum beyond the “high moments” of life? Rabbi Greenwald and Rabbi Yudkowsky reflect on the process of self-improvement, highlighting how internal dialogue, family dynamics, and motivation all contribute to personal growth. The discussion offers a refreshing perspective on Yom Kippur, portraying it not as a day of fear but as a gift of renewal and self-clarity. Through stories, analogies, and practical insights, they share how to approach life’s challenges with faith, perspective, and resilience. Reminding us that growth is not about perfection but about steady, meaningful progress. Time Stamps: (00:00) Speak to yourself (00:18) The Importance of Self-Understanding (04:26) Yom Kippur (06:17) Personal Experiences and Reflections (06:46) The Concept of Fear and Forgiveness (07:46) Context and Perspective (10:03) The Human Experience and Growth (23:22) Parental Influence and Relationship with God (30:34) Reflecting on Personal Growth (31:11) The Surgeon (33:48) Facing Yom Kippur with Realistic Expectations (36:10) The Marathon of Life (40:47) Course Correction and Continuous Improvement (45:42) Maintaining Growth Beyond the High Moments (49:40) The Journey of Life and Faith

In this conversation, Rabbi Yudkowsky and Rabbi Greenwald delve into the subject of friendship, for ourselves and for our children. Rabbi Greenwald outlines three fundamental elements of friendship - the role they play in our lives and the core of true friendships. It also addresses the pain of rejected friendships, especially in children, and how parents can guide their children in building meaningful relationships. Next the conversation touches on the different types of friendships, their benefits, and what sets enduring friendships apart from more transient relationships. It concludes with noting how nurturing and investing in friendships enhances individual and collective well-being. ----------------------- Check out Rabbi Greenwald new book: https://www.artscroll.com/Books/9781422645352.html

Rabbi Yudkowsky and Rabbi Greenwald explore one of the most complex and emotionally charged challenges of parenting: trust. This is episode two of a three-part series focused on what it truly means to trust our children. The rabbis unpack some common fears that if unacknowledged or ignored can block our ability to trust. They distinguish between external compliance vs internal motivation -- obedience driven by pressure or fear and growth that emerges from choice, ownership, and self-direction. They challenge the assumption that constant intervention leads to better outcomes, examining the subversive impact of control on a child’s confidence, agency, and long-term development. The conversation extends into the religious and spiritual realm, considering the difference between cultivating authentic connection to mitzvot and values as opposed to outward conformity. They describe how trusting our children is an outgrowth of trusting ourselves and having the courage to give our children space to struggle, learn, and grow. Ultimately, this episode reframes trust as an act of faith in the process of growth and in our children’s potential. And it explains how meaningful connection—both in parenting and in Avodas Hashem—cannot be forced, only nurtured. ----------------------- Check out Rabbi Greenwald new book: https://www.artscroll.com/Books/9781422645352.html

In this episode, Rabbi Greenwald and Rabbi Yudkowsky tackle a question every parent faces: how do we raise children who know how to be good friends? They discuss how to model and empower children to share and get along with each other, and examine the role of character in interpersonal relationships and obligations. The conversation also addresses boundaries—what to do when a child feels used, overlooked, or bullied. It offers practical guidance for dealing with children's feelings, communicating with other parents or the schools, and creating a safe environment. It also discusses how to help a child deal with conflicts and stand up for himself. A thoughtful, practical discussion about raising children who can give generously—without losing themselves. ----------------------- Check out Rabbi Greenwald new book: https://www.artscroll.com/Books/9781422645352.html

What does Yiras Shamayim really mean? In this conversation, Rabbi Greenwald and Rabbi Yudkowsky challenge the common assumption that fear of Heaven means anxiety, dread, or living under constant pressure. They explore the difference between unhealthy fear and a kind of fear that deepens a person’s life, relationships, and inner world. The discussion moves from childhood ideas of punishment and consequence into something much deeper: awe, reverence, responsibility, and the fear of doing damage to what is true, loving, and sacred. They talk about how we can help children develop yirah, why bad metaphors about Hashem can be so damaging, how values are absorbed through modeling, and why skipping stages can create confusion or even religious trauma. This is a conversation about moving from fear that constricts a person to one that opens a person up. Timestamps 00:00 Fear That Protects Love 02:06 Bad Metaphors About Hashem 03:08 Parenting Respect Not Terror 10:33 Three Levels Of Yiras Shamayim 29:05 Awe Of Greatness In Practice 36:21 Expanding the Self 39:19 Modeling Values 41:24 Trauma and Fear 53:41 Truth and Love