How do we light candles, sing songs of gratitude, spin the dreidel, and eat latkes - in the shadow of devastating loss and tragedy? This episode begins with that tension. On one end of the world, the beautiful celebration of Chanukah at Bondi Beach was shattered by an antisemitic attack. We remember moments when Jews lit Chanukah candles in places like Bergen-Belsen, clinging to meaning when there was almost nothing left. We reflect on the haunting video of Hersh Goldberg-Polin, and on Viktor Frankl’s insight that “those who have a why to live can bear almost any how.” Chanukah does not ask us to ignore suffering. It asks us to hold light and darkness together - to choose meaning, resilience, and hope, even when life feels unbearably fractured. Check out my book Living Beautifully - how to bring meaning, joy and love into your life based on the timeless wisdom of Pirkei Avot. https://amzn.to/4aYmuwp

Check out my book, Living Beautifully! https://amzn.to/49zrC6z -- Dr Ilyssa Bass is passionate about helping parents connect to their most difficult children. After training as a clinical psychologist at the University of California, Santa Barbara and studying developmental psychology at Stanford University she thought she was super-prepared to be a mommy. But really, her kids taught her things academia never could have. ​In this episode packed full of wisdom and insights she talks us through 3 popular ideas about parenting complex kids and tells us which one is a lie. Join the Conversation: We’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences! How do you teach values to your children in a positive way? Share your stories with us on Instagram @itsgilaross or send us an email at [email protected]. Subscribe and Review: If you enjoyed this episode, please leave us a review and subscribe. Your feedback helps us reach more parents like you who are striving to raise confident, values-driven kids. Let’s navigate the parenting journey together—one teachable moment at a time! Let me know if you'd like to expand on any section!

1) Could there possibly be something wrong with removing the naturally unwanted nuts from the yum chocolate that's in a bowl? 2) What about getting those annoying bones out of my salmon? 3) What then about eating the delicious chicken off my plate whilst leaving the veg? After threshing, a mixed collection of waste matter remained there with grain kernels. They were sorted and removed by hand. So, for us it's a matter of choosing the bad from the good, eg, removing spoiled cherries from a bowel of cherries. This would be the melacha. The prohibition would also apply to things less desirable so if don't want nuts that are mixed with chocolate you couldn't remove the nuts, even if you happen to like both. Note, this melacha applies to both food and non food items, such as a mixture of cutlery. For us to have an issue of "sorting", 2 factors need to exist: 1) there must be a mixture  2) there must be 2 types in the mixture So, a bowl of cherries and blueberries has both criteria. Or a pile of mixed cutlery would too. But, if let's say clothing in a cupboard isn't mixed but hung loosely to each other, no problem. Or if it's just 1 type it's OK too, eg 2 cookies.  But, if a chocolate cake and coffee flavoured cake, that's 2 types, and therefore not ok. Other examples of things considered mixed: 1) peanuts with raisins 2) an assortment of laundry in a basket 3) assorted books stacked together  4) loose pages of books that got mixed. 5) bones in fish  6) seeds in melon 7) wrappers stuck to a candy  8) grapes attached to stems 9) cream on top of milk 10) hair in a liquid Other examples of things not considered mixed: 1) oranges and tangerines scattered on a table  2) assorted cutlery spread out on a table 3) apples in a bag 4) food on a plate  But..what if it's got the 2 criteria, ie a mixture and 2 types, is any way to get what I need out of the mixture? Eg how to eat a grape as its attached to its stem?!  When have these 3 criteria it's ok: 1) by hand as opposed to with a utensil like a fork or a sieve. You are allowed to use a utensil when its being used solely for convenience, eg cutlery so your hands stay clean. 2) the good from the bad 3) for immediate use So, to get chocolate from nuts, remove the 1 you want by hand for immediate use, it's that simple😄😉 Other ways to get what you desire from a "mixture": 1) Peeling fruits or removing wrappers 2) Cutting away some of the good with part of the bad, eg cut a little good bit of melon together with the pits 3) Scatter the mixture so it's no longer a mixture, eg scatter the washing or the cutlery and then you can take piece by piece  Lots of real life examples of this all next week..

Some scenarios: 1) Removing bones in chicken or fish?  Can't do unless take some of good with it or whilst eating it to pull the bones out 2) Removing skin of chicken? Ok as considered same "type". 3) Trimming fat off meat? Must trim the meat from the fat. 4) Peeling an egg? This is fine as long as by hand and just before the meal. 5) Cracking a nut? Also fine. 6) Discovered small insects on lettuce how to dispose of the insect? Can't rinse leaf as that removing the bad from the good. So, solution is to cut away and discard part of leaf together with the insect. 7) Using a slotted spoon to remove salad or chullent? This is like a strainer ao no good. Unless it's a soupy chullent or thick dressing and undesired liquid isn't intended to be drained off. If you don't want the liquid drained, it's fine anyway. 8) Using a pot lid to allow soup to pour out whilst the noodles stay inside? This is a problem unless he makes sure to leave soup with the noodles. 9) Organising pieces of a game of different colours and returning to different compartments after been used? No good 10) Putting assorted books away that are left piled up? Best solution maybe to read a bit from each book before you put it away. 11) Setting the table on shabbos? Caution to do close to the meal and taking wanted cutlery from others not wanted. If it gives a nice feeling to have dining room set, this could be considered just before use even if done hours earlier.

How to make a salad on Shabbos? Or otherwise put what could possibly potentially be wrong with making a nice salad on Shabbos? After the grain was isolated from the dirt it was ground into flour. The melacha of grinding is breaking down and reducing a sizable entity into small parts whereby it becomes suitable for a new use. So, crushing, chopping, pulverizing any object into small particles whether by hand or with a utensil. Eg chopping lumber into wood chips. By food, it's only an issue when food is reduced to small particles which makes it easier to eat.  There are 4 exceptions to grinding under which if you have even 1 of these 4 its ok: 1) It is only an issue with  earth grown foods. So, meat, fish, cheese etc can be chopped up. 2) There is no problem  of grinding after grinding.  So you could crush a cookie into tiny crumbs because the flour was already ground. 3) For immediate use is fine. So even if it wasn't pre ground, and it came from the ground you can reduce the fruit or vegetable to a pulverised mass eg by chewing on a carrot. 4) When done in an abnormal way is fine, eg grinding with the handle of a knife is ok. So, when we speak about making a salad on Shabbos, other than "borer" - sorting issues we saw such as removing bugs or taking the bad from the good, the issue to look out for is grinding related. The way to deal with this issue is to prepare the salad immediately before consumption. The other exemptions of not growing from the ground and being chopped previously don't apply. If it's not practical to chop the fruits or vegetables just "before" the meal you can avoid the issue by either using the back of a knife, or by cutting it into long thin slices under which the whole issue doesn't arise.