It's been a week. In this episode, my husband Rabbi Yonasan Reiser and I sit down to talk about something that's been very alive right now: coping mechanisms in a real, honest, this-is-what-our-nervous-systems-actually-do way. We talk about what coping mechanisms actually are, why we can't just decide to stop doing them, and why the self-deprecation that comes after — the memes, the jokes, the haha-I-ate-everything — is actually just another coping mechanism sitting on top of the first one. I share what my own coping has looked like during this war. My husband shares his. We get into soldiers and dissociation and bitachon. And we close with the idea that during times of intense pressure, the small steps we manage to take — the tiny bits of awareness, the moments of trying — carry exponential weight. Neurologically and spiritually. The olive doesn't reveal its light until it's pressed. This one's for anyone who's been a little hard on themselves lately for how they're coping. Which is probably most of us.

Purim is over. Your nervous system might not know that yet. The body doesn't reset the moment the seuda ends. It takes time to unwind from noise, from running, from giving, from holding everything together — or from not quite managing to. The activation lingers. The tension stays tucked into places you might not even notice until you slow down enough to feel them. This week's practice is a somatic tracking exercise — moving through the body with curiosity, resting wherever your attention is drawn, noticing what each part is still holding, and letting it know you're there. There's a line from the practice I want to offer you before you listen: "You might feel like you're not doing very much. But you're doing so much for your system." That's the paradox of this kind of work. Presence — just being with what's there — is not passive. It's how stuck energy begins to move. What is your body most ready to put down after this week? Listen here.

This practice uses the physical boundary between your body and the surface supporting you as a way to sense into relational boundaries — where you end and another person begins. When to use this practice: Before a conversation where you need to set a boundary When you're not sure if you're taking on someone else's emotions After listening to "His Reaction Is Not Your Responsibility" When you know you need to say no but feel guilty about it Anytime you're struggling to distinguish between what's yours and what's theirs What you'll need: 10-15 minutes of quiet A comfortable place to sit or lie down A boundary situation that has some charge, but isn't your most intense one (around 3/10) Note: Boundaries aren't meant to control the other person's reaction. They're for you — to know what's yours to hold and what isn't.

Rena recently read about how to communicate with "Earth types" - people who are highly sensitive and need to be spoken to with extra care and consideration. As she read through all the rules for how to talk to Earth types, she kept thinking - shouldn't we just talk to everyone this way? In this conversation, Rabbi Yonasan and Rena Reiser explore personality types (Earth, Air, Water, Fire) and why Earth types are considered more sensitive. They discuss how Earth types rely heavily on external validation and can be quickly hurt by how people relate to them. But a deeper question emerges: if these communication principles come from nonviolent communication - which helps us see the tzelem Elokim in every person - then why are we only applying them to "sensitive" people? Don't all human beings deserve dignity, validation, and to be truly heard? They explore what it means to be the "canary in the coal mine," why reflecting back what someone says can help move conversations forward (instead of talking in circles until 3am), and the power of recognizing that every person you're talking to is a human being with their own rich inner world. This Episode Is For You If: - You've been told you're "too sensitive" your whole life - You're wondering if you need to walk on eggshells around certain people - You have late-night conversations that go in circles for hours - You say "yes, yes, I hear you" but the other person doesn't feel heard - You're curious about nonviolent communication - You want to understand why some people seem to react more strongly than others - You believe everyone deserves to be treated with dignity but struggle with how to actually do that - You're an Earth type and want to understand your sensitivity as a strength

This is a body-centered practice exploring the feminine work of softening and receiving - moving from "I've got this" to "I need help." In this 10-minute practice, you'll be guided to: Ground and settle, remembering that Hashem is breathing life into you Notice how independence feels - the tightening, grasping, holding on Explore vulnerability as feminine strength - softening your shoulders, holding your head high Practice what it feels like in your body to receive help instead of controlling everything Move between tightening and softening to feel the contrast Rest in the vulnerability of asking for your needs to be met, rewiring your nervous system to receive This practice helps you recognize when you're holding and controlling, and builds your capacity to soften into your femininity and receive what you need. When to Use This Practice: - After listening to "Vulnerability in Marriage: Learning to Need Your Spouse" - When you've been handling everything alone and notice you're tight and tense - When you need to practice softening before asking your husband for help - As a way to reconnect with feminine strength (not masculine control) - When you catch yourself tightening, grasping, trying to do it all - To build your capacity to receive instead of only giving

You made space for your husband to step up. He's fumbling through it. And you're standing there thinking: I could do this so much better. Should I just take over again? But - when you're asking "is this worth it?" you're trying to calculate a payoff you can't even see yet. Your vision of what marriage could be is being imagined from inside the wound - from inside the pattern of doing everything yourself. In this Q&A conversation, Rabbi Yonasan and Rena Reiser tackle two listener questions that reveal the same challenge: learning to be vulnerable in marriage. Not just "let him help with tasks" vulnerable. Actually vulnerable - admitting you have inadequacies, expressing uncomfortable feelings, asking for what you need. They explore why this feels so foreign when you've been independent your whole life. Why most women can't even recognize what they're feeling, let alone ask for it. And why there's no shortcut around the discomfort - real interdependence requires learning an entirely new language. This Episode Is For You If: - You made space for your husband to step up and he's fumbling - wondering if you should just take over - You're exhausted from handling everything but don't know how to need your husband - You're in early marriage transitioning from independence to vulnerability - You can't recognize what you're feeling, let alone what you need - The thought of asking for help feels embarrassing - You're perfectionistic and struggle watching anyone (including yourself) fail - You wonder if you're capable of real interdependence

This is a body-centered practice connecting to our recent conversation about menuchas hanefesh and pizur hanefesh - what it feels like to stay within your window versus being pushed beyond it. In this 10-minute practice, you'll be guided to: Ground and settle in your body Remember a recent moment that pushed you into pizur hanefesh (scattered, overwhelmed) Notice how your body holds that experience Remember a moment where you stayed within your window of menuchas hanefesh Notice how your body holds that experience differently Move between both experiences to feel the contrast Strengthen the neural pathways of staying regulated This practice helps you develop an embodied sense of what your window actually feels like - so you can recognize when you're approaching the edge and make different choices. When to Use This Practice: After listening to "Your Window of Menuchas Hanefesh: Finding Your Capacity for Chesed" When you're trying to understand your actual capacity (not what you think it should be) When you keep pushing yourself beyond your limits without realizing it As a way to build awareness of what regulation vs dysregulation feels like in YOUR body Before making commitments to help you sense whether something is within your window What You'll Need: 10-15 minutes of uninterrupted time A comfortable place to sit or lie down Willingness to explore moments from the last couple of days Note: This practice uses pendulation (moving between activation and regulation) to help you recognize what your window of menuchas hanefesh actually feels like in your body. The more you practice noticing this, the easier it becomes to recognize when you're approaching your edge in real time.

We hear it all the time: push yourself, do more mitzvahs, more chesed. You didn't come to this world just to take care of yourself. But what happens when that push leaves you scattered, dysregulated, unable to be civil with the people in your own home? In this conversation, Rabbi Yonasan and Rena Reiser explore a concept that previous generations didn't need spelled out but our generation desperately needs to hear: Derech Eretz must come first. You have to be a person - regulated, grounded, present - before you can do mitzvahs with meaning. They discuss why menuchas hanefesh (inner calm and regulation) isn't selfishness - it's the prerequisite for everything else. And how each person has their own "window of menuchas hanefesh" - a unique capacity for what they can give without falling apart. Key Themes Explored: Derech Eretz comes first - Being civil and decent (with others AND yourself) is the foundation. Before developing higher midos, you need to be able to function as a basic person. If you're so overwhelmed you can't be civil, that undermines every mitzvah you do. Menuchas hanefesh vs pizur nefesh - When you're regulated (menuchas hanefesh), you can be present for mitzvahs with proper kavana. When you're scattered (pizur nefesh), you're operating from survival mode - there's no person there doing the mitzvah. The window of menuchas hanefesh - Each person has a unique capacity for what they can do while staying regulated. This isn't fixed - you can stretch it - but pushing beyond it means you're no longer functioning as yourself. Mah chovaso be'olamo - "What is your obligation in your world?" Not THE world, but YOUR world. Each person's obligations are different based on their strengths, limitations, and circumstances. Why our generation needs this spelled out - Previous generations lived closer to survival - their needs were obvious. We have abundance and blurred lines. We now have space to attend to our inner world, which creates both opportunity and confusion. Boundaries aren't selfish - Saying "this is what I can do and this is where I draw the line" isn't about being selfish. It's about knowing what you need to function - physically, emotionally, spiritually. Quality over quantity - There are different levels to doing a mitzvah - physical action is baseline, but higher levels require mental presence and proper kavana, which are impossible when dysregulated. Taking care of yourself = 8 hours - Rebbetzin Yitty Neustadt's calculation: sleep (8 hours) + self-care during waking hours (6-8 hours) = what's left goes to others. Not everyone else first and you get leftovers. The longing to give - V'ahavta l'rayacha kamocha isn't meant literally in actions (you'd die from neglecting yourself). It's about the mentality - the longing and desire to give. That desire matters even when you can't act on it. Chesed takes many forms - Not just cooking meals and hosting guests. Programming for organizations at low cost. Learning as a chavrusa. The form that works for your capacity is the right form. This Episode Is For You If: You feel guilty prioritizing your own needs You've been told to "just push through" but find yourself completely depleted You're exhausted from trying to do everything and wondering why your mitzvahs feel mechanical You're deeply sensitive and struggle with the message to "just do more" You've been told self-care is selfish and can't shake that voice You need permission to find your own capacity instead of comparing yourself to others You're trying to figure out what boundaries are appropriate

Welcome to a somatic mindfulness practice - a guided body-centered exploration I'm bringing back to the podcast each Friday. This week's practice connects to our recent conversation about activation, women's exhaustion, and the pattern of putting everyone else before ourselves. In this 10-minute practice, you'll be guided to: Ground and relax in your body Connect with your experience of martyrdom and activation Hold what arises with the gentleness you'd use for precious crystal Notice resistance to treating yourself with care Ask the question: "What do I need right now?" Give yourself what you need - or offer it to Hashem as tefillah This is about feeling where activation currently lives in your body and practicing a different way of being with yourself.

Ever left a therapy session or workshop feeling more activated than when you started? Like you've opened Pandora's box and don't know how to close it? This is one of the most common concerns about doing deep healing work: once you start feeling, everything comes up. Your system says "oh good, you're ready" and brings more to the surface. In this conversation, my husband, Rabbi Yonasan Reiser, joins me as we explore what to do with all that activation. We discuss why some modalities are so careful they keep you stuck, what it means to find "the right distance" from your experience, and how to let processes complete instead of constantly interrupting them. But then the conversation goes somewhere unexpected: into women's power in the home. What happens when you're trying to regulate yourself but everyone around you is dysregulated? How much influence does a woman actually have? And what responsibilities have we been carrying that were never ours to begin with? I speak about the exhaustion of martyrdom, the pattern of filling up space that leaves no room for others to step up, and what it means to ask "what do I need?" as an act of power rather than selfishness. Key Themes Explored: The activation paradox - Once you make space for one feeling, your system brings up more. This is how healing works! The question isn't how to avoid activation, but how to be with it. Finding the right distance - Not so far from your experience that you don't feel anything. Not so close that you're overwhelmed. There's a sweet spot where you can be in relationship with what you're feeling. Too careful = stuck - Some approaches are so concerned about not overwhelming you that they don't let you actually touch what's there. For people who need to feel deeply, this is maddening. Completing vs stopping - When you interrupt a process before it's complete, you're left with unfinished activation. Naming to relate - When you can label activation, you develop a relationship with it. When you don't want to label it (often from fear), you just act it out without understanding why. Women's power through presence - When a woman can hold her own emotions and activation, finding regulation within herself, she has massive impact on everyone around her. Not through fixing or managing everyone else's emotions, but through her grounded presence. Responsibilities that aren't yours - Two big ones: taking responsibility for everyone's emotions (needing to solve everyone's feelings instead of just being present), and taking on household roles early in marriage that leave no space for partners to step up. The martyrdom trap - Women get exhausted carrying responsibilities that were never theirs while simultaneously feeling overwhelmed by the idea of their actual power. When you say no to what's not yours, you free up space for what is. The mirrors in Mitzrayim - Women in Mitzrayim had the vision of what was possible in the present moment, even when the men couldn't see it. They trusted their husbands could do what needed to be done while they held the vision of the home. "What do I need?" - This question is an act of stepping out of martyrdom. It's trusting that Hashem and your neshama can provide what you need. It's recognizing you're worthy of support while activation works itself out. Destigmatizing activation - Removing the shame and fear around it. When you can recognize and name it, you can work with it instead of being blindsided by it. This Episode Is For You If: You've ever left therapy or deep work feeling more stirred up than when you started You're trying to find the balance between feeling your feelings and not getting overwhelmed You're exhausted from taking responsibility for everyone's emotions in your home You've been doing things yourself for so long that letting anyone else try feels impossible You wonder how much influence one person can really have on a household You struggle to ask "what do I need?" without feeling selfish You want to understand activation as part of the process rather than evidence something's wrong

Have you ever felt stuck trying to create distance from overwhelming thoughts and emotions? Like you understood the concept of "not being your feelings" intellectually, but couldn't actually experience it in your body? In this conversation, Rena shares how she discovered a practice that finally gave her what years of other approaches couldn't: the ability to actually be with what was happening inside her without getting swallowed by it or having to push it away. Her husband, Rabbi Yonasan Reiser, asks the questions many would wonder: What makes this different from meditation or therapy? Why does it work so well for some people but remain relatively unknown? Who is this really for? Together, they explore a way of working with your inner experience through bodily sensation rather than mental analysis - a practice that requires slowing down in a world that values speed, but paradoxically creates faster transformation for those who need it most. This Episode Is For You If: You're a deep feeler, deep thinker, or highly sensitive person who processes everything intensely You've tried therapy or self-help approaches that felt like they weren't quite designed for your nature You understand healing concepts intellectually but struggle to translate them into embodied experience You're drawn to introspection but also crave being truly seen and received by another person You sense there's wisdom in your body but don't know how to access it

What does it actually mean to "hold space" for someone? And why do so many of us struggle to do it, especially with the people we love most? In this conversation with my husband Rabbi Yonasan Reiser, we dive deep into the nervous system dynamics of holding space - from the protective bubble we create around someone's experience to why our instinct to "fix" actually disconnects us from the people we're trying to help. We get real about the challenges of holding space in marriage, why men and women often need different things when they're dysregulated, and how understanding someone's nervous system state changes everything about how we show up for them. What we explore: The energetic container of holding space Why our children need their full emotional experience How dysregulation affects our ability to hear solutions Why "fixing" often misses the mark completely