In this episode, I sit down with my husband, Rabbi Yonasan Reiser, to explore four personality elements—fire, air, water, and earth—focusing on the complexity of Earth types: deep thinkers and feelers who often hold onto experiences long after others have moved on . I explain why Focusing is uniquely effective for Earth types. Unlike rigid modalities, Focusing is client-led; when a therapist misses the mark, the Earth type's deep internal attunement allows them to immediately identify the mismatch and correct it, creating a powerful sense of being understood . We conclude by discussing the "felt shift," what happens in the nervous system when words finally match our pre-verbal sense, and the Earth identity paradox, where non-Earth types often claim the label while many Earth types struggle to recognize themselves . ------------------------------- If this episode resonated with you, I recommend Get Along With Everyone: Especially Those You Find Most Challenging by Rabbi Shimon Gruen. This is the book I referenced when talking about the four element types — it's the framework that shaped how I think about fire, air, water, and earth, and why certain people seem so different from everyone around them. If you're a practitioner and you're starting to see your clients through this lens, or if you recognized yourself as an Earth and want to understand that more deeply, this is where to go next. Order a copy here — this is an affiliate link which doesn't cost you anything extra and helps support my work. https://www.amazon.com/Get-Along-Everyone-Especially-Challenging/dp/1981221999?tag=towardsahealt-20  

Running your own business was supposed to feel like freedom. So why does it sometimes feel like the loneliest, most triggering relationship in your life? In this episode, I pull back the curtain on what actually happens in the nervous system of a self-employed woman, all the unprocessed parts that get stirred up the moment you put yourself out there, ask to get paid, or try to be seen. I unpack why connection isn't a "nice extra" but a basic regulatory need, why the masculine blueprint for building a business quietly burns women out, and why even the most "successful-looking" women eventually hit a wall that no pros-and-cons list can solve. This isn't a business strategy episode. It's a permission slip to listen to what's actually happening underneath the structures, the systems, and the 30-day plans, and to build something that can actually hold you.

Many practitioners are taught that the key to therapeutic change is helping clients drop into their bodies to access a "felt sense." But what do you do when a client simply can't feel what is happening inside? If you've ever felt frustrated by standard approaches, or watched a client struggle to follow instructions that just don't land, you aren't alone. Following the "six steps" is often not enough for those who are disconnected, flooded, or operating from a place of chronic dysregulation . In this episode, we move away from the "all-or-nothing" expectation of immediate embodiment. Instead, we explore a more practical, incremental framework for helping clients safely build the capacity to go deeper. By using the Experiencing Scale as a roadmap, we can meet clients exactly where they are, before even mentioning the word "body," to help them bridge the gap between their stories and their internal experience .

We've all been there: guiding a client through a protocol only to feel like we're still not getting anywhere, or maybe finding ourselves stuck in our own patterns despite "doing all the work." In this week's podcast, Rabbi Reiser sits down with Rena Reiser to explore why our reliance on rigid, systematized therapy models, whether cognitive or somatic, can sometimes bypass the organic "felt sense" where true transformation lives . This isn't just about refining a clinical technique for those in the chair; it's about rediscovering a way to access our own internal wisdom, allowing us to show up more fully, both for ourselves and the people we support . This episode is a deep dive into the "30-second shift": a precise neurological moment where the logical left brain and the emotional right brain finally integrate, creating a level of clarity that standard protocols often miss . We discuss how to move beyond merely "thinking" or "breathing" through a problem and instead learn to lean into that "unknown something" to foster a genuine, system-wide settlement . Whether you're looking to break through your own barriers or help your clients unlock the change they've been longing for, join us to discover how to integrate these vital, moment-to-moment shifts into your life and your practice.

Have you ever repeated a positive affirmation you were supposed to say, but realized deep down that your body didn't believe a single word of it? We tend to look at our bodies from the outside in by judging what we see in the mirror, criticizing our "imperfections", and treating our struggles with body image or intimacy like separate, frustrating problems to solve. It's exhausting, and honestly, it leaves a lot of us feeling incredibly lonely. But if you've ever felt like your body shuts down or goes into overdrive when you just want to connect, you aren't alone. This is your nervous system simply trying to protect you. Real healing doesn't happen by forcing yourself to repeat affirmations you don't actually believe. It happens when we step out of our heads and learn to listen to what our bodies are telling us from the inside out. When we feel safe, our entire physiology shifts, moving us away from shame and anxiety and opening us up to true, deep connection. This podcast is a gentle space to explore somatic healing, nervous system regulation, and emotional truth. Together, we'll move past the isolation, look at the hidden pain beneath the surface, and learn how to build a richer, kinder, and safer relationship with our bodies and ourselves.

Why You Can't Think Your Way Out of Anxiety Is your mind a meaning-making machine that just won't stop spinning? When a wave of worry or dread hits, our minds immediately look for a story to explain the discomfort. But what if the story isn't the source? Long before your brain catches up, your nervous system has already answered its core question: Am I safe or in danger? In this  episode, we challenge the traditional approach of reframing anxious thoughts and dive into what is actually happening below the surface. We explore where anxiety truly lives, the hidden purpose of the somatic alarm inside our bodies, and how this universal human struggle is secretly a roadmap guiding us toward our ultimate, deepest connection. Tune in to discover how to stop looking outward for logic, and how to finally answer the alarm from the inside out.

When my husband and I were first married, I suffered from chronic migraines, back pain, and other physical symptoms. What I've come to understand since then is that my body was doing the only thing it knew how to do: expressing through pain what I wasn't letting myself express. In this episode, we talk about the connection between self-expression and physical and emotional wellbeing — and specifically, about journaling as a tool for regulation, healing, and bringing out what's inside you. We get into:  - why the brain creates physical pain to distract us from emotional pain (Dr. Sarno's work) - the one thing that finally helped me feel safe enough to journal - non-dominant hand writing and what it does to the brain - how I journal in a focusing way - the two different types of expression I use - the balance between expression and silence - the Torah idea that each of us has something completely unique to bring into the world

We're back! After almost two months away - because life here has been a lot - I'm so glad to be back with a new episode, and as always, joined by my husband Rabbi Yonasan Reiser. This week we're talking about being honest with ourselves. The kind of honesty that requires us to look underneath the surface - at the beliefs, the feelings, the needs, the thoughts that are quietly running the show whether we acknowledge them or not. We talk about why we avoid this kind of honesty, what happens when we don't feel our feelings (including a powerful Torah insight about anger and hatred), and what it actually means to embody something. We also get into shame, compassion, the language of the body, and why focusing is so powerful as a gentle path to self-discovery - one hair at a time.

It's been a week. In this episode, my husband Rabbi Yonasan Reiser and I sit down to talk about something that's been very alive right now: coping mechanisms in a real, honest, this-is-what-our-nervous-systems-actually-do way. We talk about what coping mechanisms actually are, why we can't just decide to stop doing them, and why the self-deprecation that comes after — the memes, the jokes, the haha-I-ate-everything — is actually just another coping mechanism sitting on top of the first one. I share what my own coping has looked like during this war. My husband shares his. We get into soldiers and dissociation and bitachon. And we close with the idea that during times of intense pressure, the small steps we manage to take — the tiny bits of awareness, the moments of trying — carry exponential weight. Neurologically and spiritually. The olive doesn't reveal its light until it's pressed. This one's for anyone who's been a little hard on themselves lately for how they're coping. Which is probably most of us.

Purim is over. Your nervous system might not know that yet. The body doesn't reset the moment the seuda ends. It takes time to unwind from noise, from running, from giving, from holding everything together — or from not quite managing to. The activation lingers. The tension stays tucked into places you might not even notice until you slow down enough to feel them. This week's practice is a somatic tracking exercise — moving through the body with curiosity, resting wherever your attention is drawn, noticing what each part is still holding, and letting it know you're there. There's a line from the practice I want to offer you before you listen: "You might feel like you're not doing very much. But you're doing so much for your system." That's the paradox of this kind of work. Presence — just being with what's there — is not passive. It's how stuck energy begins to move. What is your body most ready to put down after this week? Listen here.

This practice uses the physical boundary between your body and the surface supporting you as a way to sense into relational boundaries — where you end and another person begins. When to use this practice: Before a conversation where you need to set a boundary When you're not sure if you're taking on someone else's emotions After listening to "His Reaction Is Not Your Responsibility" When you know you need to say no but feel guilty about it Anytime you're struggling to distinguish between what's yours and what's theirs What you'll need: 10-15 minutes of quiet A comfortable place to sit or lie down A boundary situation that has some charge, but isn't your most intense one (around 3/10) Note: Boundaries aren't meant to control the other person's reaction. They're for you — to know what's yours to hold and what isn't.

Rena recently read about how to communicate with "Earth types" - people who are highly sensitive and need to be spoken to with extra care and consideration. As she read through all the rules for how to talk to Earth types, she kept thinking - shouldn't we just talk to everyone this way? In this conversation, Rabbi Yonasan and Rena Reiser explore personality types (Earth, Air, Water, Fire) and why Earth types are considered more sensitive. They discuss how Earth types rely heavily on external validation and can be quickly hurt by how people relate to them. But a deeper question emerges: if these communication principles come from nonviolent communication - which helps us see the tzelem Elokim in every person - then why are we only applying them to "sensitive" people? Don't all human beings deserve dignity, validation, and to be truly heard? They explore what it means to be the "canary in the coal mine," why reflecting back what someone says can help move conversations forward (instead of talking in circles until 3am), and the power of recognizing that every person you're talking to is a human being with their own rich inner world. This Episode Is For You If: - You've been told you're "too sensitive" your whole life - You're wondering if you need to walk on eggshells around certain people - You have late-night conversations that go in circles for hours - You say "yes, yes, I hear you" but the other person doesn't feel heard - You're curious about nonviolent communication - You want to understand why some people seem to react more strongly than others - You believe everyone deserves to be treated with dignity but struggle with how to actually do that - You're an Earth type and want to understand your sensitivity as a strength

This is a body-centered practice exploring the feminine work of softening and receiving - moving from "I've got this" to "I need help." In this 10-minute practice, you'll be guided to: Ground and settle, remembering that Hashem is breathing life into you Notice how independence feels - the tightening, grasping, holding on Explore vulnerability as feminine strength - softening your shoulders, holding your head high Practice what it feels like in your body to receive help instead of controlling everything Move between tightening and softening to feel the contrast Rest in the vulnerability of asking for your needs to be met, rewiring your nervous system to receive This practice helps you recognize when you're holding and controlling, and builds your capacity to soften into your femininity and receive what you need. When to Use This Practice: - After listening to "Vulnerability in Marriage: Learning to Need Your Spouse" - When you've been handling everything alone and notice you're tight and tense - When you need to practice softening before asking your husband for help - As a way to reconnect with feminine strength (not masculine control) - When you catch yourself tightening, grasping, trying to do it all - To build your capacity to receive instead of only giving

You made space for your husband to step up. He's fumbling through it. And you're standing there thinking: I could do this so much better. Should I just take over again? But - when you're asking "is this worth it?" you're trying to calculate a payoff you can't even see yet. Your vision of what marriage could be is being imagined from inside the wound - from inside the pattern of doing everything yourself. In this Q&A conversation, Rabbi Yonasan and Rena Reiser tackle two listener questions that reveal the same challenge: learning to be vulnerable in marriage. Not just "let him help with tasks" vulnerable. Actually vulnerable - admitting you have inadequacies, expressing uncomfortable feelings, asking for what you need. They explore why this feels so foreign when you've been independent your whole life. Why most women can't even recognize what they're feeling, let alone ask for it. And why there's no shortcut around the discomfort - real interdependence requires learning an entirely new language. This Episode Is For You If: - You made space for your husband to step up and he's fumbling - wondering if you should just take over - You're exhausted from handling everything but don't know how to need your husband - You're in early marriage transitioning from independence to vulnerability - You can't recognize what you're feeling, let alone what you need - The thought of asking for help feels embarrassing - You're perfectionistic and struggle watching anyone (including yourself) fail - You wonder if you're capable of real interdependence

This is a body-centered practice connecting to our recent conversation about menuchas hanefesh and pizur hanefesh - what it feels like to stay within your window versus being pushed beyond it. In this 10-minute practice, you'll be guided to: Ground and settle in your body Remember a recent moment that pushed you into pizur hanefesh (scattered, overwhelmed) Notice how your body holds that experience Remember a moment where you stayed within your window of menuchas hanefesh Notice how your body holds that experience differently Move between both experiences to feel the contrast Strengthen the neural pathways of staying regulated This practice helps you develop an embodied sense of what your window actually feels like - so you can recognize when you're approaching the edge and make different choices. When to Use This Practice: After listening to "Your Window of Menuchas Hanefesh: Finding Your Capacity for Chesed" When you're trying to understand your actual capacity (not what you think it should be) When you keep pushing yourself beyond your limits without realizing it As a way to build awareness of what regulation vs dysregulation feels like in YOUR body Before making commitments to help you sense whether something is within your window What You'll Need: 10-15 minutes of uninterrupted time A comfortable place to sit or lie down Willingness to explore moments from the last couple of days Note: This practice uses pendulation (moving between activation and regulation) to help you recognize what your window of menuchas hanefesh actually feels like in your body. The more you practice noticing this, the easier it becomes to recognize when you're approaching your edge in real time.

We hear it all the time: push yourself, do more mitzvahs, more chesed. You didn't come to this world just to take care of yourself. But what happens when that push leaves you scattered, dysregulated, unable to be civil with the people in your own home? In this conversation, Rabbi Yonasan and Rena Reiser explore a concept that previous generations didn't need spelled out but our generation desperately needs to hear: Derech Eretz must come first. You have to be a person - regulated, grounded, present - before you can do mitzvahs with meaning. They discuss why menuchas hanefesh (inner calm and regulation) isn't selfishness - it's the prerequisite for everything else. And how each person has their own "window of menuchas hanefesh" - a unique capacity for what they can give without falling apart. Key Themes Explored: Derech Eretz comes first - Being civil and decent (with others AND yourself) is the foundation. Before developing higher midos, you need to be able to function as a basic person. If you're so overwhelmed you can't be civil, that undermines every mitzvah you do. Menuchas hanefesh vs pizur nefesh - When you're regulated (menuchas hanefesh), you can be present for mitzvahs with proper kavana. When you're scattered (pizur nefesh), you're operating from survival mode - there's no person there doing the mitzvah. The window of menuchas hanefesh - Each person has a unique capacity for what they can do while staying regulated. This isn't fixed - you can stretch it - but pushing beyond it means you're no longer functioning as yourself. Mah chovaso be'olamo - "What is your obligation in your world?" Not THE world, but YOUR world. Each person's obligations are different based on their strengths, limitations, and circumstances. Why our generation needs this spelled out - Previous generations lived closer to survival - their needs were obvious. We have abundance and blurred lines. We now have space to attend to our inner world, which creates both opportunity and confusion. Boundaries aren't selfish - Saying "this is what I can do and this is where I draw the line" isn't about being selfish. It's about knowing what you need to function - physically, emotionally, spiritually. Quality over quantity - There are different levels to doing a mitzvah - physical action is baseline, but higher levels require mental presence and proper kavana, which are impossible when dysregulated. Taking care of yourself = 8 hours - Rebbetzin Yitty Neustadt's calculation: sleep (8 hours) + self-care during waking hours (6-8 hours) = what's left goes to others. Not everyone else first and you get leftovers. The longing to give - V'ahavta l'rayacha kamocha isn't meant literally in actions (you'd die from neglecting yourself). It's about the mentality - the longing and desire to give. That desire matters even when you can't act on it. Chesed takes many forms - Not just cooking meals and hosting guests. Programming for organizations at low cost. Learning as a chavrusa. The form that works for your capacity is the right form. This Episode Is For You If: You feel guilty prioritizing your own needs You've been told to "just push through" but find yourself completely depleted You're exhausted from trying to do everything and wondering why your mitzvahs feel mechanical You're deeply sensitive and struggle with the message to "just do more" You've been told self-care is selfish and can't shake that voice You need permission to find your own capacity instead of comparing yourself to others You're trying to figure out what boundaries are appropriate

Welcome to a somatic mindfulness practice - a guided body-centered exploration I'm bringing back to the podcast each Friday. This week's practice connects to our recent conversation about activation, women's exhaustion, and the pattern of putting everyone else before ourselves. In this 10-minute practice, you'll be guided to: Ground and relax in your body Connect with your experience of martyrdom and activation Hold what arises with the gentleness you'd use for precious crystal Notice resistance to treating yourself with care Ask the question: "What do I need right now?" Give yourself what you need - or offer it to Hashem as tefillah This is about feeling where activation currently lives in your body and practicing a different way of being with yourself.

Ever left a therapy session or workshop feeling more activated than when you started? Like you've opened Pandora's box and don't know how to close it? This is one of the most common concerns about doing deep healing work: once you start feeling, everything comes up. Your system says "oh good, you're ready" and brings more to the surface. In this conversation, my husband, Rabbi Yonasan Reiser, joins me as we explore what to do with all that activation. We discuss why some modalities are so careful they keep you stuck, what it means to find "the right distance" from your experience, and how to let processes complete instead of constantly interrupting them. But then the conversation goes somewhere unexpected: into women's power in the home. What happens when you're trying to regulate yourself but everyone around you is dysregulated? How much influence does a woman actually have? And what responsibilities have we been carrying that were never ours to begin with? I speak about the exhaustion of martyrdom, the pattern of filling up space that leaves no room for others to step up, and what it means to ask "what do I need?" as an act of power rather than selfishness. Key Themes Explored: The activation paradox - Once you make space for one feeling, your system brings up more. This is how healing works! The question isn't how to avoid activation, but how to be with it. Finding the right distance - Not so far from your experience that you don't feel anything. Not so close that you're overwhelmed. There's a sweet spot where you can be in relationship with what you're feeling. Too careful = stuck - Some approaches are so concerned about not overwhelming you that they don't let you actually touch what's there. For people who need to feel deeply, this is maddening. Completing vs stopping - When you interrupt a process before it's complete, you're left with unfinished activation. Naming to relate - When you can label activation, you develop a relationship with it. When you don't want to label it (often from fear), you just act it out without understanding why. Women's power through presence - When a woman can hold her own emotions and activation, finding regulation within herself, she has massive impact on everyone around her. Not through fixing or managing everyone else's emotions, but through her grounded presence. Responsibilities that aren't yours - Two big ones: taking responsibility for everyone's emotions (needing to solve everyone's feelings instead of just being present), and taking on household roles early in marriage that leave no space for partners to step up. The martyrdom trap - Women get exhausted carrying responsibilities that were never theirs while simultaneously feeling overwhelmed by the idea of their actual power. When you say no to what's not yours, you free up space for what is. The mirrors in Mitzrayim - Women in Mitzrayim had the vision of what was possible in the present moment, even when the men couldn't see it. They trusted their husbands could do what needed to be done while they held the vision of the home. "What do I need?" - This question is an act of stepping out of martyrdom. It's trusting that Hashem and your neshama can provide what you need. It's recognizing you're worthy of support while activation works itself out. Destigmatizing activation - Removing the shame and fear around it. When you can recognize and name it, you can work with it instead of being blindsided by it. This Episode Is For You If: You've ever left therapy or deep work feeling more stirred up than when you started You're trying to find the balance between feeling your feelings and not getting overwhelmed You're exhausted from taking responsibility for everyone's emotions in your home You've been doing things yourself for so long that letting anyone else try feels impossible You wonder how much influence one person can really have on a household You struggle to ask "what do I need?" without feeling selfish You want to understand activation as part of the process rather than evidence something's wrong